[PLUG-TALK] Talk - financial aid options

[Keith Lofstrom]

On Wed, Dec 09, 2009 at 09:30:00AM -0800, Michael wrote:
> 
> 
> I have a niece with divorced parents.  As she prepares for her first year
> of college her dad is stonewalling on providing the information needed for
> financial aid applications.  This is consistent with his shirking child
> support payments....
> 
> For you PLUGers in college, do any of you know
> what my niece's options are for working around her dad's refusal to
> cooperate?

I agree talking to a lawyer might be good, but only one who 
understands the ins and outs of college finance in particular. 
When my father left and stopped paying child support, my mother and
I were on our own regards all the financial aid stuff.  That was 38
years ago and my mother is gone now, but as I recall we just put
"Not Applicable" on the forms for the father - financially, he was
dead to us.  You need the lawyer, not to get money or useless info
from your sister's former sperm donor, but to make sure the colleges
don't expect something from him and reduce financial aid accordingly.

If the daughter is in high school, the school's college counselor
might be able to suggest options.  A general practice attorney or
a divorce attorney is probably not helpful - your niece wants
somebody who specializes in the college financial aid process,
and knows what she can and cannot ask from the schools.  Your
niece will have limited school choices, but there are still some
damned good schools within those limits.

I ended up getting through college without a dime from my mother
or college financial aid;  a combination of work savings, small
scholarships, and forgivable loans from my summer employer.  What
money my mother had went to pay my younger sister's tuition (she
has cerebral palsy and couldn't earn enough). 

It was no picnic.  I spent nothing on entertainment, went without
eating sometimes, and devoted waking hours to a heavy class load so
I could graduate early ( masters in four years ).  "Entertainment"
was reading books and journals in the libraries and talking with
other "poor" friends while the rich ones partied.  But it got me
out early, which was cheaper than in-school jobs, which would
have slowed me down and cost more in the end.

Being a child of a divorce sucks.  But my divorced Mom taught
three kids how to pay our own way through college to masters
degrees, and fed and housed us when we were home and working
during the summers.  Training is more important than money.

Compared to what some of my fellow "poor" students were going
through (one, from Nigeria, never sat in a chair until he started
high school, and didn't see his family for a decade) it wasn't too
bad.  Read Tracy Kidder's "The Strength in What Remains" to find
out about Deogratias, whose family was slaughtered in Burundi, a
fugitive who lived homeless for years in New York.  He nevertheless
finished medical school.  With a little kindness from the people
we are kind to, we can accomplish amazing things.  Often, all that
stops us is fear and foolish pride.

The real question is whether the sperm donor has the nerve to show
up at graduation - or your niece's wedding.  If he does, present 
him with a whopping bill, to fund a healthy investment fund to
finance your niece's children through college.  If he doesn't want
to pay that, show the shithead the door.

Keith

-- 
Keith Lofstrom          keithl at keithl.com         Voice (503)-520-1993
KLIC --- Keith Lofstrom Integrated Circuits --- "Your Ideas in Silicon"
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