[PLUG-TALK] Tools explained

Pete Lancashire pete at petelancashire.com
Wed Mar 23 13:25:03 PDT 2011

pretty cool, just would change/update one thing

UTILITY KNIFE:  ... vinyl records ...


On Wed, Mar 23, 2011 at 1:18 PM, Keith Lofstrom <keithl at kl-ic.com> wrote:
> DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching
> flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in
> the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the
> freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner
> where nothing could get to it.
> WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere
> under the workbench at the speed of light.   Also removes
> fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about
> the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'
> SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.
> PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads.  Sometimes used in the
> creation of blood-blisters.
> BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert
> minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.
> HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija
> board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked,
> unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence
> its course, the more dismal your future becomes.
> VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off
> bolt heads.  If nothing else is available, they can also be used
> to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.
> OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for setting various
> flammable objects in your shop on fire.  Also handy for igniting
> the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove
> a bearing race.
> TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch
> wood projectiles for testing wall integrity and facilitating more
> conversations with the cute emergency room nurse while shortening
> fingers.
> HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the
> ground after you have installed your new brake shoes,  trapping
> the jack handle firmly under the bumper.
> BAND SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most
> shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more
> easily fit into the trash can, after you cut on the inside of
> the line instead of the outside edge.
> TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile
> strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.
> PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used, long ago, to stab the
> vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin
> oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used,
> as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.
> STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans.  Sometimes
> used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws
> and butchering your palms.
> PRY BAR: A simple tool used to crumple the metal $12 clip/bracket
> that you needed to remove in order to replace a 50-cent part.
> HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short.
> HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer
> nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most
> expensive parts, adjacent to the object we are trying to hit.
> UTILITY KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents
> of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works
> particularly Well on contents such as seats, vinyl records,
> liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund
> checks and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for
> slicing work clothes, but only while wearing those clothes.
> SON-OF-A-BITCH TOOL:  (A personal favorite!)  A universal,
> handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage, shop,
> hangar, Or driveway, while yelling 'Son of a BITCH!' at the
> top of your lungs.  It is also, most often, the next tool
> that you will need.  I have many of these, some still out
> around our driveway, with one still stuck in the ceiling
> insulation of the hangar.
> -----------------------------------------
> We need a similar list for software tools.
> Keith
> --
> Keith Lofstrom          keithl at keithl.com         Voice (503)-520-1993
> KLIC --- Keith Lofstrom Integrated Circuits --- "Your Ideas in Silicon"
> Design Contracting in Bipolar and CMOS - Analog, Digital, and Scan ICs
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