[PLUG] Article Proofread

D. Cooper Stevenson cooper at linux-enterprise.net
Wed Jun 12 14:16:56 UTC 2002


Curtis;

This is exactly the stuff I need. Thank you very much! I am certain that
you will find your critique influencing the final draft.



-Cooper

On Wed, 2002-06-12 at 01:17, CurtisE wrote:
> Nice job Cooper.  Good information.  Being fairly new to Linux, I learned a
> few things.
> 
> Here are a few things I caught.  I didn't really check for spelling,
> grammatical or technical accuracy errors as I figured others would be better
> suited.
> 
> I hope you don't take offence at my suggestions.  I tend to be fairly anal
> and critical when proof reading.  There were a few things that I thought
> were not explained as clearly as they could have been and some, what I would
> call, "scattery" paragraphs.   Being sort of a stylistic thing, I didn't
> point those out but I can if you want me to.
> 
> Ok, here goes:
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> The first 2 figures were not really tied in very well.  No references to
> them, or descriptions, etc.  As a reader, I found myself wondering why they
> were there and what I was supposed to glean from them.  Particularly the one
> with the VPN links.
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> In Section - 4.1.2 NFS
> ...NFS provides transparent access to remote servers on the network; NFS
> shares look to the user the same as a local directory.
> 
> Consider revising this sentence to something like:  To the user, NFS shares
> look the same as a local directory.
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> In Section - 4.2.2 Advanced E–mail Services
> Advanced E–mail communications include online scheduling, group distribution
> lists, and online scheduling.
> 
> Online scheduling appears twice.  FYI, I don't know Exim, but Sendmail also
> supports group distribution nicely.
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> In section - 4.3 Web Server
> This is in contrast to Microsoft IIE’s 22 per cent.
> 
> That should be Microsoft IIS.
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> In Section - 4.4 Print Server
> Linux and Unix in general make excellent print servers; often handling
> correctly
> large print jobs (such as Power Point Presentations) to printers with
> limited
> memory. The Linux printing system is robust and performs well even with
> several users connected to the system.
> 
> I'm not sure who your target audience is, but if you're trying to sell them
> on Linux, I would really consider reworking this whole paragraph.  It's very
> weak.  "often handling correctly large print jobs"...  What does it do with
> them the rest of the time?  How does it compare to a NT or Novel based print
> server?  Does it handle large print jobs going to printers with less memory
> better than some other print server?  "...performs well even with several
> users connected to the system."  I would hope a print server would perform
> well with more that a few users connected.  Isn't that what print servers
> are supposed to do?
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> In Section - 4.4.1 CUPS
> Finally, CUPS is backwards comparable and supports both the BSD and
> System V style print commands.
> 
> I think you mean CUPS is backward compatible...
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> In Section - 4.5.1 Oracle
> Oracle has included support for their database line since Oracle 8i in July
> 1998.
> 
> I'm pretty sure Oracle supported their database line long before 8i.  Do you
> mean they included Linux support...?
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> In Section - 5 Linux On The Desktop
> Figure 5.3.3 is significant not only because it illustrates
> Linux’s desktop functionality, but also because the system was actually
> running
> on a different system than the one from which screen image was captured.
> 
> The figure I think you are referring to (on page 17 in the PDF) is labeled
> "figure 3"
> not figure 5.3.3.  You might consider comparing the X11 architecture picture
> you paint with Citrix or MS Terminal Server for the benefit of those more
> familiar with that technology.
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> In Section - 5.1.2 OpenOffice
> There are some tools absent from OpenOffice that you will find in
> StarOffice.
> One of these is lack of support for databases.
> 
> I would remove "lack of" from the last sentence.  If one interprets these
> two sentences literally, it would mean that StarOffice lacks database
> support.  I think you actually meant the opposite.  It's sort of a double
> negative thing.
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> Also in Section - 5.1.2 OpenOffice
> See Figure 5.3.3 for and example of what OpenOffice looks like on the
> desktop.
> 
> Is this the same figure referenced above?  If so, change to figure 3 or
> change the label of the figure to 5.3.3.  The former would be more
> appropriate as there is no figure 5.3.2 and so on.
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> In Section - 5.2.1 Mozilla
> See Figure 5.3.3 for an image of the Mozilla browser on the desktop.
> 
> Same "figure 3" deal here.
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> In Section - 5.2.2 Ximian Evolution
> Ximian Evolution can function as a Microsoft 2000 client
> with the purchase of the optional add–in, Ximian Connector. See Figure 5.3.3
> for an image of Ximian Evolution’s summary screen on the Linux desktop.
> 
> What is a Microsoft 2000 client?  Do you mean a Microsoft Exchange 2000
> client?
> Also, same "figure 3" deal here.
> 
> -----------------------------------------------------------------
> 
> 
> 
> >Would you proofread this please? Any feedback is greatly appreciated.
> 
> >-Cooper
> 
> 
> 
> 
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