[PLUG] [Mostly OT] An Open Letter

[Paul Heinlein]

Dear Messrs. Gates and Ballmer,

I know that many people grumble about the worms and viruses that have
frequently exploited features and vulnerabilities in your widely used
Windows operating environment and Office productivity suite.

Personally, I don't use Windows or Office, so I'm unfit to comment on
the grumblings of end users.

As an IT professional, however, I don't understand the cynicism and
eye rolling among my colleagues. They're always grumbling and forever
pointing out that Macintosh and Unix systems aren't vulnerable to
these attacks. My opinion is the all those worms and viruses are to be
welcomed, for a number a reasons:

* The thanks expressed by users and managers after I rescue them time
  after time from Windows exploits gives me wonderful self-esteem.
  (Unlike those thankless Macintosh and Unix users who never need
  saving from viruses -- ever.)

* When a virus or worm hits the Internet, I am completely free from
  tasks that require true thought or creativity -- or that add any
  value to my employer's business. Instead, I get to daydream while
  going from workstation to workstation applying patches and cleaning
  up after the exploit.

* After the imminent threat has passed, I get to provide some great
  statistics -- including pie charts! -- to the company managers. It's
  just about the only opportunity the IT staff ever gets to show off
  pie charts.

* Since viruses and worms are difficult to understand, my job seems
  all the more mysterious, raising its perceived (and monetary) value.

* The same thing can be said about making sense of all the patches,
  service packs, and hot fixes your company releases. Only a true IT
  professional really knows which ones are necessary, which ones won't
  crash Windows, etc.

* The continued success of the anti-virus industry provides more
  IT employment opportunities and in general raises the value of tech
  stocks.

Surely there are other things that could be added to this list, but
you're busy men, and I shouldn't take up too much of your time.

Again, as an IT professional, I encourage you to keep up the good
work. Others may grumble about the waste of time and productivity, but
I know who's buttering my bread!

Thank you.

--Paul Heinlein <heinlein at madboa.com>