[PLUG] Teaching My Son To Program

[Daggett, Steve]

<< Many great suggestions snipped >>

If you are *really* interested in teaching your kid about programming, you
should:

1) Make three stacks of 3x5 cards.  On the first stack, write out a high
level description for a programming project.  On the second stack, name an
arbitrary software development methodology.  On the third stack, define an
arbitrary time frame.  Randomize the three stacks, and then deal your kid a
three card project.  Something like: "Card 1 - Implement a hardware device
driver, Card 2 - Using Object Fortran, Card 3 - within 30 days" would be
appropriate.  

2) Implement the most bizarre and difficult software version control system
possible.  Run a cron job to mung the database on a regular basis.  The
point is to spend more time futzing with the tools than writing code.

3) Declare that there is no time or budget for training.  Your kid will need
to learn programming on the job.  

4) Schedule daily update meetings to make sure your kid is working hard
enough.  

5) Reward yourself for doing a great job!  Buy yourself a new sports car.

6) Sell something completely different than what your kid is working on.
Don't tell your kid about the changes.  Whine that engineering doesn't
design products we can sell.  

7) Reorganize!  Put your wife in charge of programming.  Demand she cut the
schedule by 50%.  Slash your kid's allowance.  Demand he works longer hours.
Offer stock options and Pop Tarts if he sticks around until he's 18.  

8) Schedule twice daily update meetings to make sure your wife and kid are
working hard enough.  

9) End of quarter!!!!  Ship out your kid's bike, the stereo, the toaster,
and the microwave oven as product.  Apply the value to Accounts Receivable.
Report your profitable quarter with the SEC.  Send out a rosy press release
that the family is shipping product and "operating in the black".  Sell your
stock when the price spikes.  

10) Lay off the cat and dog.  Sell the family to the next-door neighbor.
Get yourself appointed to the Board of Directors of the new company.  

11) Outsource your family to India.  

12) Travel extensively throughout Asia and Europe while staying in 5 Star
resort hotels.  Claim you're "opening new markets".

13) Start a new family.  

With apologies,

Steve D...   ;-)