[PLUG-TALK] Satan responds to Pat Robertson

[Michael Rasmussen]

The the Minneapolis Star-Tribune by way of Kent Petersen.


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Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the
shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when
they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has
made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but
I’m no welcher.

The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and
impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with
people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent,
wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I
mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.

Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going
with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night
clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my
style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.

You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just,
come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep
blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need
to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

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-- 
      Michael Rasmussen, Portland Oregon  
  Trading kilograms for kilometers since 2003
    Be appropriate && Follow your curiosity
          http://www.jamhome.us/
The Fortune Cookie Fortune today is:
Sheriff Chameleotoptor sighed with an air of weary sadness, and then
turned to Doppelgutt and said 'The Senator must really have been on a
bender this time -- he left a party in Cleveland, Ohio, at 11:30 last
night, and they found his car this morning in the smokestack of a British
aircraft carrier in the Formosa Straits.'
		-- Grand Panjandrum's Special Award, 1985 Bulwer-Lytton
		   bad fiction contest.