[PLUG-TALK] Kids and risks

[Keith Lofstrom]

On Sat, Dec 03, 2011 at 06:18:45AM -0800, Rich Shepard wrote:
> 
>   Keith's survival as a kid mirrors that of many of us (ahem!) 'mature'
> guys, yet we'd not be allowed to be the same boys today. Instead we'd be put
> on Ritalin, Prozak, or other medication after being diagnosed with ADHD or
> some other disorder.

I don't know whether Rich had kids - I did not.  That makes me 
unqualified to comment on the wisdom of any parent's choices,
beyond making them aware of my reaction to the adult they are
helping to create.

If the kid is damaged by rare accident or disease, it is
the responsibility of all of us to contribute to their safe
(though not necessarily mainstreamed) survival.  If a young
adult is damaged by toxic parenting, the parent fixes it,
or the young adult outgrows it (perhaps with judicious and
voluntary help), or the young adult fails.  Unfortunately,
the best that some of these damaged people can do with their
lives is act as a negative example to others.  Most of them
do learn how to act like responsible adults, and become a
positive example to others.  In fact, it is often the ones
that climb out of a difficult childhood who keep climbing,
and pull the rest of us along with them.

These negative and positive stories shape our common view
of the world, and are the only defense we have against the
fables that underly much of our culture.  It is sad that
we can't learn from morality stories and abstractions, but
scoundrels often shape the most plausible abstractions.
In essence, "you gotta see it to believe it". 

All parents hover.  Some do so to nurture the future adult,
some to keep the child a child.  My mother hovered, in ways I
did not understand until much later.  When I was around 10,
I was "playing soldiers" with the delinquents from the next
block.  One of them loaned me one of their toy plastic guns.
It was cracked and jury-rigged to look like it was intact.
It broke apart in my hands a minute later.   The delinquent
complained to his mother, who demanded that my mother pay for
it.  My mother made me pay for it (six months of allowance,
we were dirt poor).

Was that harsh, non-protective?  Not at all, it was incredibly
smart - and very painful for her.  I learned many things:
(1) don't play with toy guns (2) don't hang out with delinquents
(3) adults lie (4) it's better to solve problems than defend my
ego (5) life isn't fair, and most importantly (6) in spite of
all these upsetting details, life is still /good/.  Years after
her death, I am still learning lessons from teachings like that.
I pity the kids (and the childish adults) who never learned
these things, such as those delinquents, who left a trail of
destruction and later death.  I do not have the false pity
that would permit me to mollycoddle them like their parents
did.  I hope, instead, to pass on some of my mother's valuable
lessons, rather than my problems, her problems, her parents'
problems, ad infinitem.

Bottom line:  parents, raise your kids however you think is
best for the adults they will become.  If you think they
will thrive on drugs as adults, feed them drugs as kids.
If you want them to be tools of the powerful, teach them
docility.  If you want them unaware of life's risks, shield
them.  Love them like crazy, but don't expect the world to
love them as much as you do.  Keep in mind that every
lesson you prevent them from learning may (or may not) be
a lesson necessary for their adult survival.  People learn
better when they are young, and when someone is available
to drive them to the hospital.

 ( Been there - with me flat on the back seat, bleeding,
   steering my tears-blinded mother to the hospital by
   looking up at the stars and street lights.  I do not
   remember my pain, but will I never forgot hers. )

On the other hand, if you physically or psychologically
attack your kids, to protect your toys or your power or your
public image, I will stop you by whatever means necessary. 
Their growth comes before your ego.  You do not need to
add to their pain;  ordinary life provides plenty.

Keith

-- 
Keith Lofstrom          keithl at keithl.com         Voice (503)-520-1993
KLIC --- Keith Lofstrom Integrated Circuits --- "Your Ideas in Silicon"
Design Contracting in Bipolar and CMOS - Analog, Digital, and Scan ICs